Talking to Kids About Race & Privilege While Traveling: A Parent’s Guide
Traveling with children is an incredible opportunity to expand their (and our) worldview, and it also comes with moments that require thoughtfully talking to kids about race and privilege. Kids are naturally curious, and their questions about people, cultures, and circumstances—especially those involving race and privilege—can feel challenging to address.
As a child and family social worker, former refugee foster mom, and parent, I’ve encountered these moments firsthand. We are currently living overseas in the Congo, where important conversations around race and privilege come up frequently. I’ll share the exact ways I’ve addressed these topics, give my top book recommendations, and provide personal examples of recent discussions I’ve had with my curious 5 year old.
While sometimes these conversations may feel uncomfortable, they are very important to raising compassionate, empathetic, and socially aware children. This guide offers practical advice for talking to kids about race and privilege in age-appropriate ways, grounded in curiosity and open-mindedness.
Why These Conversations Are Crucial
Children begin noticing differences in people as early as infancy and start forming opinions based on those observations during the toddler and preschool years. When their observations about race or privilege aren’t acknowledged or discussed, kids may develop misunderstandings or internalize stereotypes.
As parents and caregivers, we have the chance to frame these moments as learning opportunities. By openly engaging with their questions, we help our kids recognize and celebrate diversity while building a strong foundation for empathy and justice.
Handling Tough Questions While Traveling
Kids’ curiosity is a gift, even when their questions catch us off guard. Here are examples of common questions that may come up while traveling, or even at home, and how you could respond:
- “Why does that person’s skin color look different from mine?”
- Answer: “People’s skin color comes from something called melanin. The more melanin someone has, the darker their skin. Isn’t that beautiful how we have so many different skin colors in our world?”
- “Why does that person not have shoes?”
- Answer: “Sometimes people don’t have access to the same things because resources are not shared fairly. That’s why it’s important to help when we can and to think about how we can make the world a more equitable place.”
- “Why is their house so run down/ different than ours?”
- Answer: “People’s homes look different depending on where they live and what materials they have available. Each home is special in its own way because it’s where grown ups and children feel safe and cared for.”
- “Why don’t we just give them money or our things?”
- Answer: “Giving things away might seem like the best way to help, but it’s not always what people need most. Sometimes it’s better to support programs that help communities long-term. Let’s do some research together.”
These answers encourage empathy and understanding while offering simple, truthful explanations.
Talking to Kids about Race & Privilege: Age-Appropriate Conversations
Every stage of childhood comes with its own developmental understanding of the world. Tailoring your responses to their age ensures the conversation is both impactful and easy for them to grasp. Here, you’ll find developmentally appropriate responses, tips, and questions to address race and privilege with your children:
For Toddlers and Preschoolers (Ages 2-5):
- Focus on Observation and Celebration: At this age, kids notice physical differences like skin color or clothing but don’t yet attach social or cultural meanings to them.
- Example: “Isn’t it amazing how everyone’s skin is different? Skin color is like eye or hair color—it makes each person unique and special.”
- Build and Teach Empathy Through Stories: Use books and toys to introduce diversity and reinforce kindness. Some of my favorites are linked below.
For Elementary School Kids (Ages 6-12):
- Introduce Fairness and Inequality: Kids this age are naturally drawn to ideas of justice. Use their observations to explain how the world isn’t always fair but how we can help make it better.
- Example: “Some kids don’t have the same resources we do, like toys or shoes. That’s not fair, and it’s why we support programs that help make a difference.”
- Answer “Why?” Questions Honestly: If they ask why someone is experiencing hardship, provide clear but age-appropriate explanations.
For Teens (Ages 13 and Up):
- Dive Deeper: Older kids and teens can handle more complex conversations about systemic racism, privilege, and the history of inequality. Encourage them to think critically about their role in creating a more equitable world.
- Encourage Advocacy: Discuss ways they can take action, such as volunteering or learning about movements for social justice.
Creating Opportunities for Learning
Parents can take proactive steps to help children process what they see while traveling:
- Books and Media: Expose kids to diverse stories that normalize different races, cultures, and socioeconomic experiences before you travel. Your local library is a great place to start and I have some recommendations below.
- Role Play Scenarios: Practice how to respond to difficult questions compassionately and thoughtfully in public.
- Volunteer Together: While not all travel destinations offer formal volunteering opportunities, find age-appropriate ways to give back as a family, like donating supplies or supporting ethical businesses.
- Ask Questions Too: Encourage kids to reflect by asking open-ended questions:
- “What did you notice about that market we visited?”
- “How do you think the kids we saw get to school every day?”
How to Talk About Privilege: Personal Stories From Our Travels
Since moving to the Congo, our 5 year old and I have had the opportunity to talk about race and privilege in a variety of situations that I’ll share below. These tricky conversations have been some of the most meaningful and impactful learning opportunities about living overseas.
Conversation 1: When we first arrived in the Congo, our drive from the airport was a shock to the senses in many ways. One thing our 5 year old often said was things were “run down.” Rather than saying, “don’t say that!” I asked him some open ended questions to dig deeper:
“What do you notice specifically that looks different than what you’re used to?”
” Why do you think they might use metal instead of tile on a roof here?”
“Do you notice other ways in which builders have been very creative in making houses here?”
In this way, we can encourage children to think beyond their initial description and better understand how and why things may look different when traveling. Asking questions to dig deeper also encourages appreciation for ingenuity and cultural differences.
Conversation 2: Another time, a young child, close to our 5 year old in age, followed us asking for money and food. While I didn’t have any food on me, my child later asked why the other child didn’t have any shoes and his clothes looked dirty.
This was an important moment to talk about privilege. I used some of the questions and prompts I mentioned above, and again dug deeper. I asked him some questions and shared some information about the reality of the deep poverty that many people experience in the Congo.
I shared, “There are many parts of society here that are unfair. It is not fair that some people always have access to food, clothes, and a place to sleep at night and other people, like that young boy, do not have consistent access to those things. He was asking us for money and he’s doing that to survive. It is horrible and unfair that someone your age has to do that, when we know, a child’s main job should be to play. What questions or worries do you have right now?”
Note: I have not taught my child the differences between equity and equality and use the word “unfair” as it is a concept he can understand well. The differences in equity and equality is a topic we will discuss in the coming years.
How to Talk About Race: Stories From Our Travels
A few days ago, our 5 year old commented. ” I think Baby D likes all black people best.” Rather, than shut down his comments, especially as he was speaking in front of a Congolese person, I pulled him aside and calmly asked him. “Tell me more about what you mean. Why do you say Baby D likes black people best?” He shared that Baby D loves our nanny & housekeeper and often gets sad when she leaves.
I commented, “Ah I see, so you noticed that Baby D gets sad when she leave the room. What do you think he likes about her?” He explained that he must like her personality and that she likes to play with him.
I offered, “Oh I see, baby D loves that she is warm and playful. In the future, you might say something like, Baby D loves people who are warm and playful. We don’t want to make statements like ‘all black people’ because that lumps people all together. That’s called a stereotype and can be hurtful.”
We then talked about some other stereotypes, some that apply to him, to show that stereotypes are not true and how it doesn’t feel good to be lumped together with others.
Avoiding Common Pitfalls
- Don’t Dismiss Questions: Statements like “We don’t talk about that” can make kids hesitant to ask important questions in the future. Instead, validate their curiosity and guide the conversation with compassion.
- Don’t Frame Differences as “Exotic” or “Other”: Avoid language that positions another culture or way of life as strange. Use neutral descriptions instead.
- Model the Behavior You Want to See: Kids learn as much from what we do as what we say. Show open mindedness and compassion in your interactions with people from different backgrounds.
Teaching Empathy and Action
Travel doesn’t just expose kids to diversity—it can also teach them how to take action. Share stories about organizations doing impactful work in the places you visit, and discuss ways to contribute meaningfully.
For older children, this might involve researching fair-trade products or participating in a family project to support a local cause. For younger kids, even small acts—like saying “thank you” in the local language—can reinforce appreciation for other cultures.
Book Recommendations for Parents and Kids
Books are powerful tools to spark meaningful conversations about race, privilege, and social justice:
- For Young Kids:
- “All Are Welcome” by Alexandra Penfold
- “Skin Like Mine” by LaTashia M. Perry
- “The Day You Begin” by Jacqueline Woodson
- “Our Skin: A First Conversation About Race” by Megan Madison and Jessica Ralli * This one is one of my favorites that I started reading to my kids at about 1 year old
- For Older Kids:
- “Stamped (For Kids)” by Jason Reynolds and Ibram X. Kendi *This is a great one for kids and grown ups alike
- “Race Cars: A Children’s Book About White Privilege” by Jenny Devenny
- “This Book Is Antiracist” by Tiffany Jewell *This is a wonderful, action oriented book that is easy and thought provoking to work through.
Talking to Kids About Race & Privilege while Traveling: Final Reflections
Talking to kids about race and privilege while traveling is an ongoing process, not a one-time conversation. By answering their questions honestly and modeling empathy, we raise children who are thoughtful, curious, and kind.
Traveling as a family is a chance to see the world’s beauty and complexity—and to teach our children how they can be part of building a more equitable future.
Have you had similar conversations with your kids? What worked for you? Share your thoughts and stories in the comments below!
